Transcript [EN]: ''Stop Having Sex Like This Immediately (It’s Ruining Your Relationship)'' | Osho

My beloved ones, I look into your eyes and I see a deep thirst. It is not just a thirst for the body, though you often mistake it for that. It is a thirst for communion, for melting, for disappearing into something vast. You have been running after this experience your whole life and yet again and again you are left with empty hands. You are left with a strange sadness. Today I want to talk to you about the most misunderstood, the most condemned and yet the most potentialfilled energy in your life. I want to talk about love. I want to talk about the act of love making. But before we go deeper, I have a question for you. Ask yourself honestly when you make love, do you feel elevated? Do you feel like a god or do you feel like an animal seeking relief? Does it give you wings or does it simply help you fall asleep? Most of you, if you are honest, will say it is just a relief, a sneeze. Tension builds up. You release it and then you turn your back and sleep. This is not love. This is a tragedy. If you have ever felt that there must be more to intimacy than this friction, than this quick release, then you are ready for what I have to say. If you are tired of the repetitive mechanical nature of your relationships and you want to find the door to the divine through your own body, then listen carefully. This message is for you. And if you are brave enough to explore this, click that subscribe button right now. We are building a community of seekers here who are not afraid of the truth. Join us now. Let us enter the fire. The simplest method for lovers. The most fundamental thing to understand is this. When you make love, you must make it a sacred experience. Hear me. a sacred experience, not a biological function, not a nightly duty, not a stress reliever, but a worship. You have been told lies for centuries, for millennia. You have been poisoned. All the religions of the world have destroyed the sanctity of love. They have conspired against you. They have condemned it as a sin. Look at the absurdity. You are born out of sex. Your life is a byproduct of sex. Existence continues through sex. Flowers bloom, birds sing, trees grow. It is all an overflow of this creative energy. And yet your priests, your popes, your shankrarias, they all stand there with long faces telling you it is dirty, telling you it is a sin because they have told you it is a sin. A deep guilt has settled in your stomach. Conditioning has gone so deep into the human mind. You may think you are free. You may think you are modern. But deep down when you are intimate that voice of the priest is still there. That is why people are making love in such a great hurry. Have you noticed why the hurry? If you are eating a delicious meal, do you hurry? If you are listening to beautiful music, do you want it to end in 2 minutes? No. You want it to last? You want to savor every bite, every note. But with sex, you are in a rush as if you want to finish it as quickly as possible. Why? Because unconsciously you believe it is wrong. If it is a sin, naturally it is better to finish it quickly. Get it over with. Wash your hands of it. The mind says, "This is dirty. Do it fast and return to being a good person." Their hearts are full of guilt. Their minds are full of the idea of sin. This guilt poisons your chemistry. This guilt prevents you from relaxing. And without deep relaxation, there is no love. There is only friction. I am here to wash away this guilt. I am here to tell you that you are innocent. If lovers want to make love a meditative experience, if you want to know what tantra truly is, then this is the first condition. You must drop the idea that it is sin. You must drop the idea that it is something wrong. It is not wrong. It is something infinitely beautiful. Look at nature. Is the flower feeling guilty when it opens its petals to the bee? Is the bird feeling guilty when it calls for a mate? No. Only man is in trouble. Only man is split. Love is a tremendous gift of nature. It is a gift of existence. You should not feel guilty about it. You should be grateful. Gratitude. That is the word. When you approach your partner, do you approach with gratitude? Do you look at their body and see the temple of the divine or do you see an object to be used? If you approach with gratitude, everything changes. The hurry disappears. The aggression disappears. A softness arises. You need to show your gratitude. And how do you show it? You cannot just say thank you like a business transaction. You must create the right context. You must make a special place for it. This is something very practical. I am telling you. You treat your dining room with more respect than your love life. You treat your car with more respect. Every house, every couple that can afford it should have a special room just for love. A temple of love within the house. Why a separate room? Because spaces hold memory. Spaces hold vibrations. Your bedroom is full of other things. Arguments, discussions about money, worries about the children, fighting, pillow throwing. The walls have absorbed your anger, your frustration, your boredom. When you make love in that same space, all those vibrations are there hanging like a cloud. You cannot escape them. So create a sanctuary in this room. Nothing else should happen. No fighting, no discussion of bills, no television, no seriousness. This room should be dedicated only to love and meditation. It should be so pure that the moment you step across the threshold, your mind changes. The vibration of the room hits you and you drop your worldly worries. You should enter this room only after you have bathed. This sounds simple, but it is profound. When you go to a church or a temple or a mosque, you wash. You purify yourself. Why not for the temple of love? Is the body of your beloved less sacred than a stone statue? Cleanse yourself. Let the water wash away the dust of the day, the dust of the market, the dust of your office. As you bathe, imagine you are washing away your thoughts, your stress. You are preparing to meet the divine. Enter as if you are going into a temple. If you are following me, if you are beginning to see how we have neglected this beautiful art, leave a comment below. Write, "My body is a temple. Let us claim it. Let us stop hiding. Now you are in the room. What is the atmosphere?" Most of you make love in the dark like thieves hiding or you do it with harsh lights, distracting and ugly. The room should be full of the beautiful aroma of burning incense. Smell is a very deep sense. It goes directly to the brain's emotional center. It bypasses your logic. Use beautiful fragrances. Sandalwood, jasmine, rose. Let the air itself invite you into a trance. And the light, there should not be bright lights. Bright lights activate the thinking mind. They make you too alert to the outside. Use candles, dim light. Candle light is living light. It breathes. It moves. It creates shadows and mystery. In that soft light, bodies lose their sharp edges. You merge more easily. The atmosphere becomes fluid. This is the stage. You have prepared the temple. You have purified the body. You have set the atmosphere. Now what happens next? Usually the man jumps on the woman. He is in a hurry. He wants to reach the end. He is goal oriented. The western mind and now the whole world is becoming western is obsessed with goals. Get to the orgasm. Finish it. Success. This is stupidity. Love is not a business project. Love is play. They should not be in a hurry. Drop time. Take the clock off the wall. If you are worried about time, do not enter the love room. This experience requires timelessness. Foreplay is exceedingly important. I cannot stress this enough, especially for the man to understand. The man's sexuality is very local. It is limited. It is focused only on his genitals. He is ready quickly. He is like a mechanism. Switch on, switch off. But the woman is different. The woman is an oceanic mystery. Her whole body is erotic. She is not local. She is total. Her sexuality is not just in one place. It is in her fingertips, her breasts, her neck, her ears. It is spread all over her. She is a harp, a musical instrument. You cannot just pluck one string and expect a symphony. You have to play the whole instrument. Unless her whole body starts trembling. Unless every cell of her body is vibrating with pleasure, with ecstasy, she will not have an orgasm. And the man often wonders, why is she not satisfied? Why is she cold? She is not cold. You are unskillful. You are a brute. You have not played the music. You have rushed to the finale without playing the prelude. You must play with her body. You must worship her body, not with the intent to get somewhere, but just for the joy of touch. Touch is the language of love. And allow her to play with your body. This period of foreplay, it can last for hours. In the east, in the tantric traditions, foreplay is not just a preparation. It is the main act. The intercourse is just the final peak, but the journey. The journey is where the beauty lies. So you are playing, you are touching, you are smelling the incense, the candle light is dancing on your skin. Now I introduce the most important element. The element that transforms sex into superconsciousness. The technique of meditation is this. While you are playing with each other's bodies, remain a watcher. Do not get lost. Do not become unconscious. Usually when you feel pleasure, you lose your head. You become drunk with it. You forget yourself. You think this forgetfulness is bliss. No, it is just unconsciousness. It is a drug. I am asking you to do the opposite. Be fully aware. Do not identify. Say to yourself, I am seeing this hand touching this skin. I am feeling this sensation. But remain a little distant, aloof, like a cool breeze passing through the fire. So that there are four persons, not two. Can you visualize this? There is the woman and there is the watcher inside her. There is the man and there is the watcher inside him. The bodies are meeting. The energies are mingling. But the watchers are standing back observing. The watcher simply sees what the man is doing to the woman, what the woman is doing to the man. It is not a moral judge. This is crucial. The watcher does not judge. It does not say, "Oh, this is naughty or this is good or am I doing it right or do I look fat?" No, the mind chatters. The watcher only looks. It is simply like a mirror. A mirror reflects. It reflects a beautiful face. It reflects an ugly face. It has no preference. It just shows what is happening. This witnessing is awareness. It is alertness. It is mindfulness. And why is this necessary? Because if you are unconscious, you are a slave to your biology. You are driven by instinct. You are a puppet. But if you bring this light of awareness into the bedroom, something magical begins to happen. You start to feel energies you never felt before. You start to see that you are not the body. You are the inhabitant of the body. You are the consciousness that is experiencing the pleasure but you are not the pleasure itself. This gives you a tremendous freedom. And practically in the foreplay, if you are aware, if you are alert, then there is a possibility that both of you will know the exact time when your bodies are ready to make love. You will not need to ask. You will not need to guess. You will feel the bio electricity of each other's bodies. There is a moment, a precise moment, when the woman's energy and the man's energy are perfectly tuned like two musical instruments coming into harmony. If you enter before that moment, it is rape. Even if she is your wife, it is rape because her energy was not ready. If you wait too long after that moment, the peak is missed. But with awareness, you will feel the spark. You will feel the click. This is the beginning. We have prepared the space. We have prepared the body. We have awakened the watcher. But what happens next? How should the act proceed? Why has the whole world been doing it in the wrong position? And how can you use the physical union to disappear into the cosmos? I see you are leaning in. You want to know the secret of the meeting itself. You must understand that the way you have been taught to position your bodies is not just physical. It is political. It is dominating and it kills the possibility of the highest orgasm. We are going to dismantle the missionary position. We are going to turn your world upside down literally. But I cannot tell you everything in one breath. You need to digest this first. You need to prepare your temple first. Are you ready to hear the truth about the positions? Are you ready to learn how to synchronize your orgasm so that two become one? This journey is just beginning. Let us go deeper, my beloved seekers. We have spoken of the temple. We have spoken of the watcher. Now we arrive at the moment of union. The moment where the two energies collide. And here I must tell you something that will shock the priests. I must tell you something that goes against the conditioning of your society. When you start making love, do not hurry. I repeat, do not hurry. And most importantly, let the woman always be on top. You may laugh. You may think what does it matter? It matters. It matters immensely. The position known as the missionary position is the worst position that exists in the world. Why is it called the missionary position? Have you ever wondered in the east before the Christians arrived nobody knew that the man could be on top of the woman? It was unheard of. Look at the ancient temples of Kajurahu. Look at the tantric scriptures. The geometry of love was understood differently. When the Christian missionaries came to India, they saw the people making love with the woman on top or sitting or standing. They were horrified. They said, "This is savage. This is animalistic. The man must be superior. The man must be on top." So they taught the Indians that this is the only civilized way. And in India we started calling it the missionary position because it was their gift to us. A very ugly gift. Why do I say it is ugly? Because it is brutal. The woman is delicate. She is soft. And you place a huge beast, a heavy man on top of her. And this beast goes up and down on the poor woman. It is crushing her literally. It restricts her movement. It pins her down. It is a position of dominance, not of love. It says, "I am the master. You are the recipient." But beyond the politics of it, there is a scientific reason why this is wrong. Listen to the science of energy. When the man is on top, he has to support his weight. He has to move. He has to be active. When the woman is on the bottom, she is forced to be passive. She cannot move freely. But biologically, the man is easily aroused and easily finished. If he is active, he reaches ejaculation very fast. The friction, the tension, the muscular effort, it all accelerates his ending. Meanwhile, the woman is slow to warm up. She is just beginning to feel the fire, and the man is already finished. He rolls over and snores. And the woman is left in the middle of the journey, frustrated. This accumulation of frustration night after night creates anger. It creates the nagging wife. She's not nagging because of the housework. She is nagging because her energy is stuck. She has been taken to the edge of the cliff and abandoned there. Now flip the situation, invert the world. From a scientific standpoint, it is correct that the woman should be on top. Why? Because then she can be more active and the man can be less active. This balances the biology. When the woman is on top, she controls the rhythm. She controls the depth. She moves. Her activity helps her arousal rise faster. She catches up to the man and the man he can relax. He can be passive. When the man is passive, his excitement does not spike out of control. He can last. He can remain in the valley of pleasure without rushing to the peak. He can gaze at her. He can touch her breasts. He can meditate. If the woman is on top and active and the man remains inactive, there is every possibility that the timing will align, there is every possibility that the time the woman reaches orgasm, the man will also reach it. This synchronization is the goal of tantra. Not for the sake of a better orgasm physically, but for what happens spiritually when two people explode at the exact same moment. If both reach orgasm at the same time, something miraculous happens. A tremendous melting occurs, a fusion. It is no longer two bodies rubbing against each other. The boundaries dissolve. The definitions dissolve. It is as if the bodies disappear. The two souls are no longer two souls. The two beings are no longer two beings. You become a circle of energy. The man is giving, the woman is receiving. The woman is giving, the man is receiving. A circuit is completed. Yin and yang merge. Shiva and Shaki become one. In that moment of simultaneous release, the ego cannot exist. The eye dies. And for a split second, you know what God is. You know what oneness is. This is why I say sex is the door to God. But you stand at the door and you just scratch the surface. You do not turn the key. The key is no hurry. Woman on top. Total awareness. Now pause for a moment. I want you to reflect on your own life. Have you ever experienced this melting? Or has it always been a race? If you are brave enough to try this to change the dynamic in your bedroom tonight, I want you to share this video with your partner. Do not say a word. Just send them the link. Let them hear it from me. It might save your relationship. It might reignite a fire you thought was dead. While this incredible union is happening, while the bodies are moving towards this explosion, what are you doing? Are you lost? Are you fantasizing? Are you thinking about football? No. The watching continues. This is the internal impact of meditation working. You are observing the rising energy. You are observing the breath becoming faster. You are observing the heartbeating. You are observing the pleasure spreading like wildfire. But you are the cool center of the cyclone. And then the explosion, the orgasm. Usually people fear the orgasm or they chase it blindly. But I say watch it after your orgasm has settled. As it slowly disappears, follow it. Do not just check out. Follow it as it grows. Follow it as it explodes. Follow it as it starts to return back to the normal state of your bodies. This is the complete cycle. Birth, life, death, rising, peaking, falling. If you can watch this full curve, you will learn the rhythm of the universe itself. Everything rises and falls. Waves in the ocean, empires, stars, and your own energy. And here is where most people make the mistake, the fatal mistake. The moment the orgasm is over, the man rolls over and goes to sleep or he lights a cigarette or he checks his phone. He disconnects. The woman feels abandoned. She was just open, vulnerable, crying out in joy. And now silence, coldness. This destroys the sacredness. Then do not be in a hurry to separate from each other. This is a commandment of love. Stay together. Stay joined. Even if the erection is gone, even if the passion is gone, stay physically connected. Keep lying together for some time. Why? Because the peak is not the only reality. In Tantra, we know of another orgasm, a secret orgasm. It is called the valley orgasm. Millions of people remain unaware of this. They know the peak, the sharp, intense electric shock of the first orgasm. That is the high orgasm. You met together at the peak of your energy. But now that height is gone, but listen to nature. Every mountain has a valley. Every height has a depth alongside it. Without a valley, there can be no peak. If you rush away, you miss the valley. And the valley is more nourishing than the peak. The peak is exciting. The valley is relaxing. The peak is tension release. The valley is peace. So if you can remain in watching silently together, you will be surprised. You will be amazed. There is another orgasm of a totally different beauty, a different depth, a different joy. The valley orgasm. It is not explosive. It is implosive. It does not go out. It goes in. It is a silent throb, a deep contentment, a feeling of arriving home. It is like the silence after a thunderstorm. The rain has stopped. The earth is wet and smelling good. And there is a profound stillness. If you miss this, you have missed 50% of the experience. and perhaps the most spiritual 50%. So you lie there, you breathe together, you let the energies settle until the valley orgasm disappears and you return back to normality. Do not separate. Wait, be patient. Drink the silence. And all the while the watching continues. When you finally do separate, when the body's finally part, do not just fall asleep. The mind wants to sleep because the mind uses sleep as an escape. It uses sleep to go unconscious again. Fight that urge. Something very essential is still there and that is afterplay. You have heard of foreplay but nobody talks of afterplay. You have created such a turmoil in the whole energy of the body in the mind of each other. You have shaken the jar. The sediment is swirling. You need to let it settle with love. It is necessary to massage each other's bodies. Play with each other's bodies. Use the pleasant smells, the flowers, the candle light, the music. If you feel like dancing, dance. Celebrate. Usually you celebrate before to get what you want. I say celebrate after out of gratitude for what you received. If you can dance after making love, your dance will have a different quality. It will be weightless. You will not be dancing. The dance will happen to you. But the watching continues. I keep coming back to this. Watching, watching, watching. Why am I insisting that the watching continues? Why am I obsessed with this word? Because this is the bridge. This is the bridge from dependence to independence. This is the bridge from making love to being love. If you practice this witnessing in the act of love day after day, year after year, a moment comes, a great moment of liberation. You realize that the partner was just a mirror. The joy was not coming from them. It was provoked by them, but it came from you. And when you understand this, you are ready for the final step. The step where you no longer need the other to feel the divine. Are you ready to hear about the ultimate freedom? Are you ready to know how to be ecstatic without a partner? This is the conclusion. This is where I want to lead you, my beloved ones. We have traveled far. We started in the mud of guilt. We cleaned ourselves in the temple of preparation. We climbed the peak of orgasmic union. And we rested in the valley of silence. But Osho does not want you to stop there. I do not want you to be dependent on a woman or a man forever. Relationship is a school. It is not the destination. You learn, you graduate and you move on. I emphasize the watching because if you do it many times then one day you can try just the watching without your man, without your woman alone. This is the great experiment. This is the moment the mystic is born. Go into that same room, the same temple you created. Create the same atmosphere. light the same incense, the same fragrance which creates the same memories. Associations are powerful. The mind is a mechanism of association. The moment that smell hits your nose, your body remembers the love, the relaxation, the melting. It is a trigger. Light the same light. Create the same millure. Sit there. Just sit. Start simply watching while you are sitting. You are not doing anything. You are not fantasizing about a partner. You are not touching yourself. You are simply retrieving the state of witnessing that you practiced during love. And a great surprise will happen to you. You will be shocked. Everything that happened to you with the woman starts happening exactly within you without the woman or without the man. The joy, the trembling, the rising of energy, the expansion, it is all bubbling up from your own center. You realize, my god, the source is me. It was always me. The woman was just a key that unlocked the door. But the treasure was always in the room. Now you have learned how to unlock the door without the key. You have become the master of your own lock. You start moving slowly towards the high orgasm. The same experience. But now without physical biological expression. This is what the mystics call samadei. It is an orgasm with the universe. It is an orgasm with existence and you reach the valley orgasm. The same peace, the same experience. You see, you have learned meditation through love. And you have also learned love through meditation. They enrich each other. They are not enemies. They are partners. The priests told you choose God or sex, monk or householder. I tell you, choose both. Use sex to reach God. Use God to beatify sex. When you can achieve this state alone, you are free. This does not mean you have to leave your partner. No, it means you are no longer a beggar. You no longer go to your partner saying, "Give me pleasure. Make me feel good. Fill my emptiness. No, you go as an emperor. You are already full. You are overflowing. And when two emperors meet, the joy is multiplied a thousandfold. It is no longer a relationship of need. It is a relationship of sharing. I have so much bliss. I want to shower it on you. And she says, I have so much bliss. I want to shower it on you. It is a gift unconditional. This will bring maturity to both persons real maturity. Not just aging but growing up. And maturity will release your imprisoned intelligence. It will release your awareness. It will release your kindness, your compassion. When you are sexually satisfied, deep down in your soul, you become kind. Have you noticed frustrated people are angry people? Frustrated people start wars. Frustrated people become politicians. They want to control others because they cannot control their own energy. But a satisfied person, a person who knows the valley orgasm. He is peaceful. He has compassion. He sees the madness of the world and he laughs. And finally, this practice will destroy jealousy, anger, hatred. Jealousy comes from fear. She will leave me. He will find someone else. But if you know that the source of your bliss is within you, who can take it away? If she leaves, you will be sad for the loss of a friend. But your inner temple remains. Your light remains. Jealousy evaporates. Possessiveness evaporates. It will bring tremendous changes in you. You will become radiant. You will become magnetic. People will ask you what has happened to you. You look different. You look alive. Those changes will be the proof that you are on the right path. Do not look for certificates from scriptures. Do not ask the priest if you are right. Look at your own life. Are you more loving? Are you more silent? Are you less angry? If yes, you are on the right path. The proof is in the pudding. As they say, the proof is in your own transformation. So my friends, my fellow travelers, this is the map. I have given you the keys to the kingdom. Drop the guilt. Sex is sacred. Create a temple. Respect the space. Slow down. Foreplay is the main play. Woman on top. Let the energy balance. Watch. Be a witness. Experience the valley. Don't rush away. Finally, discover the solitary bliss within yourself. It is a simple path, but it requires courage. It requires the courage to be natural in an unnatural world. Do not just listen to these words and nod your head. Try it tonight. Clean the room. Buy the flowers. Light the candle. Look at your partner with new eyes, not as a body of flesh, but as a divine mystery waiting to be explored. If this message has touched a cord in your heart, if you feel a vibration of truth in what I have said, then do not keep it to yourself. The world is suffering from love starvation. The world is suffering from ugly sexuality. Help me spread this message. Click the like button, not for the algorithm, but as a vote for sacred love. Share this video with someone you care about and subscribe to this channel. We are here to awaken. We are here to shake you up. We are here to bring the dawn. I leave you with this thought. You are born as a seed. Do not die as a seed. Flower blossom. Spread your fragrance to the winds. That is the only prayer. That is the only religion.