0:00 The American dream is dead. And it was 0:02 designed that way because we are feeding 0:04 the rich and starving the poor. 0:05 >> Today on the Mel Robbins podcast, 0:08 world's leading personal finance 0:10 educator and your rich BFF Vivian Tu is 0:14 here to teach you how to stop [music] 0:16 living paycheck to paycheck. 0:17 >> You are not crazy. The housing market, 0:20 exponential increase. [music] Higher 0:21 education, exponential increase. The 0:23 cost of living, exponential increase. 0:25 >> This is the exact episode you need right 0:28 now. 0:28 >> There are very few mistakes you can't 0:30 come back from. It's never too early to 0:31 start, but it's also never too late. 0:33 When you have money, you have the power, 0:35 you have the freedom, you get to be the 0:37 captain [music] of your own ship. 0:50 >> Please help me welcome Vivian Tu to the 0:53 Mel Robbins podcast. 0:54 >> Thank you so much for having me. 0:55 >> When I told everybody that uh you were 0:57 coming on, the team went crazy. And I 1:00 wanted you on this show because my 1:03 daughters follow you. 1:04 >> Yeah. 1:05 >> And so many people around the world love 1:07 you because you have this very rare 1:10 ability to be able to empower us to feel 1:15 like we can take control of our money 1:19 and at the same time you also are a 1:21 realist about what's actually going on 1:25 in the world right now. And so I'm 1:26 grateful that you're here. And I'd like 1:29 to start by having you paint the 1:31 picture. So if the person who is 1:32 listening right now is living paycheck 1:34 to paycheck, 1:36 what is going to happen? What will 1:38 change in their life if they take 1:39 everything to heart that their new rich 1:42 BFF is going to teach them today? 1:44 >> This episode is going to give them 1:46 power. Um we talk a lot about wanting 1:50 money, wanting richness, and I think 1:52 everybody pictures the lime green 1:54 Lamborghini and the new designer bag, 1:57 but that's not what this is all for, 1:59 right? We should want money because when 2:02 you have money, you have the power, you 2:04 have the freedom, you get to be the 2:06 captain of your own ship. Something that 2:08 so many people are feeling these days is 2:11 this lack of agency. That so many things 2:14 are changing around them, but they don't 2:17 actually get to say in their life. 2:19 And to me, that's the most frustrating 2:21 thing ever because if you can't fix it, 2:24 then what's the point? So, I hope 2:26 everybody listening will realize by the 2:28 end of this, you will have actionable 2:30 things that you can do. 2:32 And that no matter where you are in your 2:34 financial journey, there are very few 2:36 mistakes you can't come back from. 2:38 It's never too early to start, but it's 2:40 also never too late. 2:41 >> I love that. When you have money, 2:43 >> Mhm. 2:43 >> you have power and freedom. 2:44 >> Yeah. 2:45 >> If somebody is listening right now and 2:47 they're saying, "I am struggling so 2:49 profoundly right now. It feels 2:51 impossible to get ahead." What what do 2:53 you want to say to that person? 2:55 >> I do think that there are are very few 2:58 mistakes, especially in the financial 3:00 sphere, that you can't come back from. 3:03 Because 3:04 I'm someone who made a lot of them. 3:06 I'm the person who would overspend. I'm 3:09 the person who had to wait at a bar 3:12 until 12:01 when my direct deposit hit 3:16 to be able to afford my bar tab. Like 3:17 the scariest words to me at 21 were your 3:20 card declined. 3:21 And 3:22 I am not someone who grew up with money. 3:25 I am the only daughter to two Chinese 3:27 immigrant parents. We grew up incredibly 3:29 [snorts] frugally. They really valued 3:31 education. I did everything the way I 3:34 was supposed to. I went to the right 3:37 type of college. I got the right type of 3:39 job. I got the Wall Street job. I mean, 3:40 trust me, my Asian parents were very, 3:42 very proud. And I made a lot of money 3:44 mistakes. 3:46 So, for me to be able to sit here now 3:49 and talk to you about all of these 3:51 things. 3:52 I'm so proud. It's an honor. It's being 3:55 able to show that I have battle scars 3:57 and I came out bigger and better and 3:59 braver and I feel the same way. I mean, 4:01 I have millions of followers who DM me 4:03 and tell me the things that they were 4:05 able to fix because they put this work 4:08 into action. 4:09 >> I would love to have you, um, Vivian, 4:11 just speak to this moment. 4:13 >> Yeah. 4:13 >> And what is the person who really does 4:17 feel like they're never going to get 4:18 their head above water? What is 4:20 available to them in the things that 4:22 you're about to teach to us today? 4:23 >> First and foremost, let's address what 4:25 you just said. Like these people aren't 4:27 crazy. Like, if I can address the 4:29 audience, you are not crazy. If we 4:32 actually look at the stats, right? We've 4:34 seen that over the past century, the 4:37 housing market exponential increase. The 4:40 cost to get a higher education, 4:42 exponential increase. The cost of 4:44 living, exponential increase. You know 4:47 what hasn't exponentially increased? 4:49 Wages. 4:50 So, we are being asked to do more with 4:55 less. 4:56 If I can kind of wrap this all in a nice 4:59 big bow. 4:59 >> Please. 5:00 >> There are macroeconomic 5:03 forces, whether that be politics, you 5:06 know, geopolitical conflicts, um, things 5:09 like legislation. 5:10 The way our 5:12 economy is currently designed 5:15 really benefits people who have money 5:17 and 5:19 penalizes and treats not having money 5:21 like it's a crime. Those are not things 5:23 that you can tomorrow wake up and 5:24 change. These are things that are going 5:26 to impact your money, but you are not 5:28 necessarily going to be able to flip a 5:29 light switch and be better at. 5:31 Tomorrow, 5:33 and hopefully, depending on when you 5:35 listen to this, today, 5:37 if you actually can make changes in your 5:40 own life, 5:41 you can always end better than you 5:43 started. 5:44 >> Mhm. 5:44 >> And I think that's what we're missing is 5:46 that internal locus of control. People 5:49 who have an external locus of control 5:50 think things are happening to them. 5:53 And people with an internal locus of 5:55 control think things are happening 5:56 because of them. 5:58 And when you think that things can 6:00 happen because of you, 6:02 now you're very, very incentivized to 6:05 try and make every smart move, every 6:07 good decision, to put yourself in a 6:09 better financial position than you were 6:10 yesterday. 6:11 I love that, and here's what I love 6:13 about it. 6:14 >> When I was really struggling 6:15 financially, it was very easy to be 6:18 angry at the world and to not look in 6:20 the mirror and go, "Well, there are some 6:21 pretty dumb things I've been doing." 6:23 >> Yeah. 6:23 >> And on the converse to go, "Wait, there 6:26 are actually things in my control 6:28 that will empower me. There are things 6:30 that are in my control if I change some 6:32 small habits day-to-day will give me 6:34 power back around money and around how I 6:38 feel in my life and around the freedom I 6:40 can create over time." 6:42 What are three things that you wish you 6:43 knew when you were broke? 6:45 >> One, 6:46 it's very expensive to be broke. Think 6:49 about it, right? 6:51 Who gets charged overdraft fees 6:54 from their bank? Oh, it's the people who 6:56 are overdrafting on their accounts. They 6:57 don't have the money. The second thing 6:59 is 7:00 is that 7:01 there's a little bit of a 7:05 frustration 7:07 that comes when you're playing this 7:09 comparison game of you're broke, but 7:12 you're trying to prove to people that 7:13 you're not broke. And 7:16 I very much had this because I had the 7:18 brand name job, I had the fancy title, 7:21 but I didn't have the money, and I did 7:23 not come from a family that was going to 7:25 be able to bail me out like that. And so 7:28 I would see some of my peers from 7:30 college, they would be moving into an 7:32 apartment that they bought, 7:34 and I'd be like, "Man, like 7:37 what am I doing wrong?" FYI, 7:40 their parents bought the apartment for 7:41 them. 7:42 I wasn't 100% sure about that at the 7:44 time. I am now. I'm very sure about 7:46 that. And I think 7:49 I got myself on this consumption hamster 7:51 wheel 7:53 trying so hard to fit in 7:54 >> Mhm. 7:55 >> because I wanted to prove so badly that 7:58 I wasn't broke because 8:01 right now money for us 8:04 is very much a moral measuring stick. 8:09 People feel like if you have money, you 8:11 are a good person, you are a smart 8:12 person, you do good things. 8:14 And if you don't, it's a moral failure. 8:16 Like you are not smart, you've made bad 8:18 choices, you are irresponsible, and 8:20 that's just not always true. 8:23 And 8:25 I think keeping up with the Joneses, in 8:28 my case keeping up with all of the hot 8:30 flashy, cool things that were happening 8:32 around me 8:33 >> Yeah. 8:33 >> was a big problem. 8:35 And last but not least, I would say the 8:36 third thing I really wish I knew when I 8:39 was broke was that 8:41 you don't have to be broke forever. 8:43 It felt like 8:45 I was going to be stuck in a bad spot 8:49 for eternity. So I found this apartment 8:50 and it's teeny tiny. My bed touches 8:53 three walls, but it was going to be this 8:56 beautiful soho apartment and my Sex and 8:59 the City dreams were about to start. 9:00 Finally. 9:01 That apartment ended up having a severe 9:04 German cockroach infestation. 9:06 >> Oh my god. 9:07 >> And 9:08 I was so horrified because we had to pay 9:12 to break our lease. And that was every 9:15 dollar that I had saved from the first 9:19 full calendar year of working. 9:21 And I was devastated 9:24 because it felt like I had run on a 9:26 treadmill in place for 365 days of my 9:29 life. 9:30 What a waste. 9:32 And 9:33 ultimately that was the moment, the 9:36 belt-tightening come-to-Jesus moment for 9:38 me, where I was like, I actually need to 9:40 be better. And I think I felt like I was 9:42 going to be stuck there forever. 9:44 But, smart decision after smart decision 9:47 compounds the same way bad decision 9:49 after bad decision does. And eventually, 9:51 things changed. Slowly, not quickly, not 9:54 overnight, but one day I woke up and I 9:57 didn't feel like I had this fear every 10:00 single day of 10:03 mhm 10:04 was I ever going to make it? Was I ever 10:07 going to have enough in savings to feel 10:09 comfortable? 10:10 It's my promise to people listening that 10:13 you don't have to be stuck forever. 10:15 >> There is a different interpretation of 10:17 that story, and I want to give it to 10:18 you. 10:19 >> Ooh. 10:20 >> You just proved what you promised you 10:24 were going to teach us, which is that 10:25 money is power, and money is the ability 10:28 to leave a sick job or a relationship or 10:32 a German cockroach infested apartment. 10:35 And so, you did have a tiny enough 10:38 amount of money to have the power and 10:42 control to leave. 10:44 >> And wasn't that an amazing way to end 10:47 that story instead of saying I had to 10:49 live there? 10:50 >> Yes, because the you from a year ago 10:53 would have had to live there. 10:54 >> Yeah. 10:55 >> But, what was the thing you changed 10:56 most? 10:58 >> I think it was the keeping up with the 11:00 Joneses. It was such a 11:04 public 11:06 thing 11:07 because I was 11:09 on the trading desk, which by the way, 11:11 you're sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with 11:13 other people, on the phone with the 11:14 exterminator, yelling at the property 11:16 manager, just I'm red in the face, all 11:19 the while I'm trying to juggle all of 11:21 the trades happening, trying not to lose 11:23 my job, trying to be good so I can 11:25 possibly get a good raise at the end of 11:26 the year. I'm on the phone talking about 11:29 my cockroach infestation. And everybody 11:31 knew. Everybody knew I was weird 11:33 cockroach girl. 11:35 And so, I was so embarrassed and I was 11:37 like, okay. 11:39 We have to lock it up. 11:40 We aren't getting our nails done every 11:42 week. We aren't going out to eat as 11:44 often. 11:45 >> Maybe you've had an experience where 11:47 like me, I was I remember standing on 11:50 the sidelines watching our daughter 11:52 playing town soccer knowing 11:55 that the $125 check 11:58 that we had sent in the week before had 12:00 just bounced. 12:03 The fee for her to be on that field. 12:06 And not wanting any of the parents 12:09 >> to know. 12:09 >> to know. 12:10 And then after the game watching 12:14 the coach walk over and knowing that 12:19 I was about to be asked about this and 12:21 hoping they didn't say it too loud. 12:23 >> Yeah. 12:23 >> But I think we all have those moments 12:25 you talked about like that frustration 12:27 that you you just are you can't seem to 12:30 get ahead. 12:31 >> Yeah. 12:32 >> love that it was this 12:34 I'm just not going to stay here. 12:38 >> Yeah. 12:38 >> I'm going to accept that I'm here right 12:39 now, but and this is why I wanted to 12:41 talk to you. 12:43 And this is why I wanted you to learn 12:45 from Vivian to your new rich BFF 12:48 is because if you can have that mindset 12:50 shift to say, I hate being broke. I hate 12:52 being paycheck to paycheck. 12:54 I do not have to stay this way the rest 12:56 of my life. There are simple things I 12:57 can learn and there are behavior changes 12:59 that I can make. 13:00 And you can do it from any starting 13:02 point. 13:02 >> Yeah. 13:03 >> So, does it start with that like, damn 13:05 it, I'm sick of this? 13:06 >> Yeah. 13:08 Are you sick and tired of being sick and 13:10 tired of being broke? 13:11 >> Is there a reality check that 13:14 you also have for the person who's 13:16 saying I'm paycheck to paycheck, saying 13:18 that I'm struggling, saying it, but 13:21 there are hidden buffers, so to speak, 13:23 of you don't need. 13:25 >> Ask yourself honestly, 13:27 when you say you are paycheck to 13:29 paycheck, 13:30 are you spending all of your money after 13:33 taxes on necessities, 13:36 or can you think of multiple instances 13:40 where you have spent money that you have 13:42 had regret about? 13:45 Let us do an audit 13:47 of your spending of the past month. 13:49 First and foremost, if there's a bunch 13:51 of stuff that you bought and regret, 13:54 can you return it? 13:56 Two, 13:57 if you are seeing that there is a trend 13:59 of feeling like you are hand to mouth, 14:02 oh, but by the way, 14:03 there was that lash appointment, that 14:06 nail appointment, maybe you were sports 14:08 betting, maybe you bought those concert 14:11 tickets that you didn't necessarily need 14:13 to get front row seats to, you could 14:15 have just gotten a GA ticket. I'm not 14:17 asking you to cut out every little thing 14:21 in your life that brings you joy 14:22 forever. 14:24 I'm asking you to cut it out 14:26 for the next couple months to see what 14:29 type of buffer you can build yourself. 14:32 Because once you can get your head above 14:33 water, once you are able to actually put 14:37 some of that money into a little nest 14:39 egg, into investments that can work for 14:42 you, 14:43 you'll be able to do all of the things 14:44 you enjoy, 14:46 and you won't have to feel guilty about 14:47 it. 14:48 >> You write on page 49 of your 14:51 best-selling book. This is in a chapter 14:53 called investing in yourself. 14:55 Would I still buy this if I couldn't 14:58 tell anyone about it? One of the best 15:01 pieces of spending-related advice I've 15:03 ever gotten was to ask myself this 15:05 question. Sometimes when we invest in 15:08 luxury items or upgrades, 15:10 a big part of the appeal is being able 15:13 to tell others we have them. 15:15 >> [laughter] 15:16 >> This question cuts to the core of that. 15:18 Would I want the BMW as much if everyone 15:21 else thought I had a Kia. 15:23 So, talk to me about this. Would I still 15:25 buy this if I couldn't tell 15:27 anyone about it? 15:29 >> That's such a powerful spending exercise 15:32 because I've actually bought a lot of 15:35 stuff 15:36 that I don't like. 15:39 And it's kind of crazy to say that part 15:41 out loud. But 15:43 I have bought shoes that were incredibly 15:45 uncomfortable because they were from a 15:47 specific designer and I wanted people to 15:49 know that could afford that specific 15:51 designer. 15:52 The stuff where I've actually spent 15:53 money 15:55 to improve my life in a meaningful way 15:58 has always 16:00 paid off and had a bigger ROI in terms 16:02 of my joy and my satisfaction than stuff 16:05 that I bought just so that I could tell 16:07 people 16:08 that I had the thing. 16:10 >> I love a little 3-month challenge. Cuz I 16:12 also think we don't have a clue what 16:14 we're spending money on cuz you just 16:15 swipe and then you tap and then you do 16:17 this and it feels good in the moment and 16:18 then you're like, wait, where did all my 16:19 money go? 16:20 >> Can I tell you a secret? 16:21 >> Please. 16:21 >> Even as someone who feels very 16:23 financially literate 16:25 I had 16:27 a [snorts] med spa subscription for 16:30 laser hair removal 16:32 that I forgot that I had had because I 16:35 had finished my cycle of laser hair 16:38 removal. 16:39 And I just kept paying for it. I just 16:41 forgot to cancel it. And 16:44 I was so embarrassed. 16:46 But 16:47 I knew that I wasn't going to be able to 16:49 get that money back. 16:52 Spilled milk. We're not going to cry 16:53 about it. 16:55 So, what did I do? 16:56 I canceled the subscription. I made sure 16:59 the next month it didn't show up on my 17:00 statement. 17:02 And going forward, I made a more 17:03 concerted effort essentially to check my 17:05 statement every month to make sure that 17:07 that wasn't something that I was seeing 17:09 slip through the cracks in other parts 17:11 of my life. 17:13 >> And the exercise of just saying no to 17:15 stupid things or things you don't 17:17 actually need in order to build a little 17:19 bit of a mound versus continuing to dig 17:22 deeper, 17:23 I think would give you power just right 17:25 there. 17:26 So, have you ever I you do you always 17:28 hear this advice from people who are out 17:30 of touch that like if you want to save 17:31 money just spend less. 17:34 Like sick, cool, good advice. I'm cured. 17:37 Like that is the dumbest thing I've ever 17:39 heard because 17:41 it is not actually a willpower thing 17:44 and frankly, you cannot willpower your 17:46 way to good decisions. So, what I 17:48 actually encourage people to do is build 17:50 a system. 17:51 >> Okay. 17:51 >> So, 17:52 most of us these days, you're not 17:54 getting a physical check from your boss. 17:56 Most of us get an electronic deposit of 17:58 some sort, whether you are a W-2 18:00 employee and you get a bi-weekly 18:03 paycheck or if you are a freelancer and 18:06 you send in an invoice and they direct 18:08 deposit the cash into your account. 18:11 Here's what you're going to do. If you 18:12 work for a company with a workplace 18:14 portal, you can actually set aside part 18:18 of that paycheck to not your checking 18:19 account. So, most of us just have 100% 18:22 of that paycheck go into your checking 18:23 account. You see it, you spend it. Hell 18:25 yeah. Wrong. What we're going to do is 18:28 we're actually going to set aside 95 or 18:30 90% of your paycheck and it's going to 18:33 go to that checking account. You're 18:34 going to pay your rent. You are going to 18:36 take care of the needs for your family. 18:38 You are going to pay for the things that 18:40 you need to pay for. 18:42 And that 10%, that 5%, if you want to 18:44 start small, 18:46 we're going to have that immediately go 18:47 to a savings account. 18:50 No matter how much money I had in that 18:52 checking account, 18:53 by the end of the month, by the end of 18:56 that pay period, somehow I'd found a way 18:59 to spend it. And I'm just like, how did 19:01 that happen? 19:02 And the more I made, I found the more I 19:05 was spending. 19:06 But if you are automatically paying 19:08 yourself first and setting money aside 19:11 into that savings account, 19:13 Today you is literally taking care of 19:14 future you. 19:16 >> Let's say you don't have a portal. Let's 19:17 say that you're working at a retail job 19:19 or you're working at a restaurant or you 19:20 got a bunch of side hustles or you're a 19:22 >> job, you're a freelancer, all that 19:24 stuff. 19:25 Most banks these days can allow you to 19:27 do an auto transfer. 19:29 So, maybe it's oh, uh I work a retail 19:33 job, so I know for the most part I can 19:36 expect this much money to be hitting my 19:38 bank account every month. If there is a 19:40 convenient date or maybe two convenient 19:42 dates, you can say, "Hey, let's transfer 19:45 $100 once this 19:48 check clears or by the end of the week." 19:50 >> Okay. 19:50 >> If you are someone who is 19:52 a freelancer who's like, "Okay, I've 19:54 just sent in my invoice. I know I have 19:56 net 30." 19:58 When that money comes in, you can say, 20:00 "Hey, let's go ahead and transfer 20:03 10% of that into savings. Also, by the 20:06 way, 20:07 maybe also good to split off 30 to 40% 20:10 of it for taxes." 20:11 >> Yep. 20:12 >> And put that into a high-yield savings 20:13 account. So, before your quarterly taxes 20:16 are due, 20:17 you're making money on the taxman's 20:19 money. 20:20 You're able to earn more interest. And 20:23 that's great. That is extra money in 20:24 your pocket that comes out of thin air. 20:27 Like most banks 20:29 that are traditional brick and mortar 20:31 are offering you the FDIC national 20:32 average right now is 0.37%. 20:35 So, you put 100 bucks in, at the end of 20:37 the year, 20:38 you got 100 bucks and 37 cents. 20:40 What are you buying with 37 cents? 20:43 Nothing, okay? 20:45 But, high-yield savings accounts are 20:47 offering somewhere between 3 to 4% right 20:49 now. 20:50 And so, 100 bucks in at the beginning of 20:52 the year, at the end of the year you 20:53 have $103.04. 20:55 And that scales. So, you put in more 20:58 money, you get the bigger percentage. 21:00 And so, you will be earning more and 21:03 more money. 21:04 And so, I think that is a way that you 21:06 can essentially start to bridge that 21:08 gap. 21:09 >> I want to really highlight something cuz 21:11 I want to make sure as you're listening 21:12 or watching, you got the power of one 21:15 small thing that you said. 21:16 >> Mhm. 21:16 >> And I want to be sure you did not miss 21:19 this. So, you said 21:21 your money's coming in, right? And I 21:23 love when you were like, "Great 21:24 paycheck, let's spend it." Wrong. No, 21:27 when the money comes in, the first thing 21:30 you should do is have a savings account, 21:33 high yield if you can get it, 21:34 to pay yourself. 21:36 >> Yeah. 21:36 >> And I had this like download in my mind 21:39 as you were talking. Sometimes this 21:40 happens like magically in the studio, 21:43 where Vivian, I saw broke ass you 21:47 without a manicure 21:49 >> Yep. 21:49 >> getting your paycheck. And then I 21:52 imagined broke you 21:55 paying 21:56 the rich you. 21:57 >> Yeah. 21:58 >> That you become your own rich BFF. That 22:02 you take on this mindset that broke me 22:06 is going to start paying rich me. 22:08 >> Yep. 22:09 >> And I am going to do that every time 22:11 money comes in, I am going to start 22:14 paying the rich me in the savings 22:16 account, because the rich me in the 22:18 future knows that's the thing to do. And 22:21 I will tell you 22:22 the way people often ask me, "How did 22:24 you get out of $800,000 in debt?" I was 22:26 like, "I got three jobs and I cut all my 22:30 expenses that I could and I then 22:34 literally every dollar that I could, 22:37 I would put 22:39 $0.25 on every dollar into a savings 22:41 account. 22:42 >> Yep. 22:42 >> And then when I could start to get above 22:44 water, it was $0.50. 22:46 And I started getting payment plan like 22:48 you just do it over time. It took me 22:50 like seven or eight years to get my head 22:52 above water. But broke me was paying the 22:56 future rich me. And if you can think 22:58 about that moment, paying yourself, that 23:02 is so powerful. And you know what, Mel? 23:06 It's not sexy to be like, "Ah, yes, I've 23:09 saved 3 months of living expenses." But 23:11 you know what is sexy? Being able to 23:13 sleep better at night. Knowing that if 23:15 something were to happen, you got it 23:17 like that. A couple years after the 23:19 cockroach apartment, I actually I don't 23:21 know if you can see it. I cut off the 23:23 tip of my finger with a bread knife. 23:25 >> Oh, wow. 23:26 >> It was the night of my 25th birthday. It 23:29 was a very crusty baguette. 23:31 I end up spending my 25th birthday, 23:34 shout out to the Mount Sinai emergency 23:36 department, like 23:38 I was in there 23:40 tears. And to add insult to injury 23:44 the total bill for that trip to the 23:46 emergency department was $13,000. 23:48 >> Oh my god. 23:50 >> I had really decent insurance, so my 23:53 portion 23:55 was $1,600. 23:58 And 24:00 man 24:01 that birthday party sucked. 24:04 But you know what sucked less? 24:08 Being able to pay the bill and move on 24:09 with my life. 24:11 And imagine 24:12 at the time, this was years and years 24:15 ago, but like I don't want to have that 24:17 bill hanging over my head for the worst 24:19 birthday party ever. I want to be done. 24:21 And I was lucky because I had the 24:23 emergency fund to pay it. 24:24 >> It comes back to power. 24:26 >> Power. Power. You cannot budget your way 24:29 out of paycheck to paycheck. You need to 24:31 increase how much money is coming in the 24:33 door. Like this is not a spending 24:35 problem, well hopefully it's not. 24:37 But this is a how do I get more money in 24:39 the door? If you're truly living 24:40 paycheck to paycheck, you're not doing 24:41 the $600 Sephora haul every month and 24:43 that's why you're paycheck to paycheck. 24:45 If you actually are spending only on 24:48 necessities, you feel like you're being 24:49 worked to the bone, I don't think it's 24:51 fair that you cannot make ends meet 24:54 with a 40-hour a job. I think it's not 24:56 fair. This is what we're going to do. 24:58 You got two options. 24:59 One, you need to make more money 25:02 at what you are currently doing. 25:04 So, what does that look like? That looks 25:06 like negotiating a raise. 25:08 That looks like getting a promotion. 25:10 That looks like potentially job hopping 25:12 somewhere else to get a more competitive 25:14 salary or bonus. 25:16 And then the second option is you have 25:18 to pick up a side hustle. And I know 25:21 what everybody listening is probably 25:22 thinking, like, I'm working 40 hours 25:24 already. I'm exhausted. I come home, I 25:26 have to cook for my kids. I have to take 25:27 care of everybody. 25:28 I know. 25:29 I'm not saying it's okay, and I'm not 25:32 saying it's fair. 25:33 So, 25:35 either through negotiation of a raise, 25:37 promotion, through getting a better job, 25:40 or through making money on the side, 25:42 walking dogs, tutoring, mowing grass, 25:44 whatever it might need to be, 25:46 you need to get more money in the door. 25:48 You're not the problem, but you do get 25:50 to be the solution. 25:52 Because once you have more money coming 25:53 in the door, 25:55 you finally get a second to breathe. 25:57 When you're going hand-mouth, 25:59 hand-mouth, hand-mouth, 26:01 it's very hard to think about the right 26:03 decision, cuz you're thinking about the 26:04 right now decision. 26:05 >> Mhm. 26:06 >> How are you going to put food on the 26:07 table? 26:08 That is a bigger concern than 26:10 putting money into your 401k. That's a 26:12 bigger concern than, "Huh, what do I 26:15 really want my career trajectory to be 26:16 in 10 years?" 26:17 You're not thinking about that. You're 26:19 thinking, "I got to clock in, clock out, 26:21 get my money, and do the things that I 26:24 need to do, which is pay my rent, buy my 26:25 food, and 26:27 hopefully have everything else in my 26:28 life maintained, because not one single 26:31 unexpected expense can come up." 26:33 When you have more money, you buy the 26:35 buffer. 26:35 >> What would you say if you're in your 26:37 20s, 26:38 crazy challenging job market, 26:40 >> Yeah. 26:40 >> and you are not getting paid well, 26:43 because you've had to take whatever job 26:45 you've had to take. What is your advice? 26:48 >> Some jobs are for learning, and some 26:50 jobs are for earning. If you are able to 26:52 take a job that will give you some job 26:55 experience, that'll get your foot in the 26:56 door, that'll give you that inertia, 26:58 and you have a familial structure that 27:01 allows you to move home, that'll help 27:04 subsidize some of those costs cuz they 27:05 are expensive, you'll be able 27:08 to get some of that on-the-job 27:10 experience 27:11 that'll then hopefully translate to your 27:13 next option. And so sometimes the thing 27:16 you need to do to get paid more is to 27:18 leave, even in a tough job market. 27:21 But, 27:23 I also think that it can happen with 27:25 department changes. 27:26 I think that can happen if you 27:28 want to maybe change different industry, 27:31 so you're in marketing for one type of 27:33 company and then you go to a different 27:35 type of company, but all companies need 27:37 marketing teams. Um 27:39 it is about understanding are you here 27:42 to make as much money as possible, or 27:44 are you here to actually learn 27:45 something? And I think at the beginning 27:46 of your career, it should be about 27:48 learning something. That's not to say 27:50 you shouldn't be asking for more, but 27:55 expecting a monstrous number out the 27:57 gate may mean you have to give up other 27:59 parts of your lifestyle that very few 28:02 people actually are fully aware of what 28:04 those sacrifices will be. 28:06 >> What do you think the best way is to ask 28:07 for a raise? 28:09 >> Come with receipts, Mel. 28:10 You are coming prepared. You better come 28:13 in with everything that you've already 28:15 done. Winter raises, winter promotions 28:18 are made in the summer. 28:19 At the beginning of the year, I'm 28:20 talking January, February. 28:23 You make sure 28:25 that you know what your goal is for the 28:27 year. 28:29 You sit down with your boss. 28:31 You set some goals. You're going to 28:32 revisit them in a J month, like June, 28:35 July. Cool. So, you got about 6 months. 28:38 In the summer, 28:40 you're like, 28:41 "Hey, Mel. 28:42 I know at the beginning of the year we 28:43 discussed that we were setting goals for 28:46 me for this year. I'm happy to report 28:48 that I've already accomplished X, Y, and 28:51 Z. 28:52 I would love to know 28:55 what other things 28:57 would you need to see from me 28:59 for me to be in a good position 29:01 to be promoted at the end of the year. 29:04 For me to reach the next level of XYZ. 29:08 >> Mhm. 29:08 >> For me to be given a new territory. 29:10 >> Mhm. 29:12 >> Okay? I'm going to let you as my boss 29:13 tell me. I'm going to say, "Great. I 29:15 love that suggestion. I'm also going to 29:18 focus on a couple of these other things 29:19 that I know have just been a thorn in 29:21 your side, so I can help make your job 29:23 easier. Great." 29:25 We leave. I crush it, okay? June, July 29:29 through 29:31 October, we'll call it. I am just 29:33 grinding. I get it all done. 29:35 And then in November 29:37 I come back with all of my receipts. 29:41 I've built something called a brag book 29:43 in my inbox. So, I've titled it. It's a 29:45 little folder. It says, "Brag Book 29:47 2026." Whatever. 29:49 >> [snorts] 29:49 >> Anytime someone congratulates me, 29:52 anytime someone's like, "Wow, Vivian is 29:54 amazing." 29:56 Right? Then in October, I sit down with 29:58 you and I'm like, 29:59 "Hey Mel, I'm so happy like we have done 30:02 such a great job this year as a team. 30:04 Everything is going been going super 30:05 well. I'd love to show you a couple of 30:07 examples of how I was able to achieve 30:09 all of these goals. 30:10 And then, after I've shown you all of my 30:13 bells and whistles, all the things I've 30:14 already crushed. I go, 30:17 "Given the 30:18 the amount of 30:21 assistance, given the amount of success 30:23 I've been able to bring to the team, 30:25 a raise of 30:27 XYZ would be commensurate 30:30 with my performance. 30:33 Or 30:35 a promotion 30:38 makes sense given that I'm already 30:39 operating at this level." 30:43 Then I shut up. 30:45 >> [laughter] 30:46 >> In one of my first negotiations, I gave 30:49 this incredible pitch of how hard I I 30:51 was working. Everything was amazing. 30:54 I asked for my raise, 30:55 and then I said, "But if not, that's 30:57 okay." 30:59 Vivian, stop talking. What is wrong with 31:01 you? Stop talking. 31:03 Let you tell me no. I don't tell myself 31:07 no. 31:08 >> Now you're actually showing that you 31:10 earned it. 31:11 >> Yep. 31:11 >> And that you're worth investing in. 31:14 >> Yep. It's the you show. It's not about 31:17 what other people are making. It's not 31:18 about what the person sitting next to 31:20 you is, because you can't just be like, 31:22 "Well, Johnny told me they made that." 31:23 Now you snitched on Johnny. You are 31:26 going to show why you deserve the 31:28 number. 31:28 >> I think the advice is absolutely 31:30 fantastic, and I love the idea of the 31:32 brag book, because you forget. You 31:34 forget all the things that you're doing, 31:35 and you should assume that the person 31:36 that you're working for isn't aware of 31:39 actually all the different things that 31:41 you're doing. 31:41 >> Yep. 31:44 >> Let me tell you about Verizon's brand 31:47 new simplicity plan. It's one plan, one 31:49 price, $30 a line per month, even for a 31:53 single line, with their best 5G network 31:55 for all. That's it. That's the plan. And 31:57 when it comes to your phone, you can do 32:00 what works for you. Already love your 32:01 phone? Great, keep it. Or it's easy to 32:04 buy a new one. Or you could upgrade to 32:06 the newest phone every year for a 32:08 monthly charge. So, let's get this 32:10 straight. One plan, one price, $30 a 32:14 line per month, plus your phone your 32:16 way, and their best 5G network. I guess 32:19 the simplicity plan is just that, super 32:22 simple. Maybe that's why they named it 32:24 that. One plan, one price, and the best 32:27 network for everyone. Switch to Verizon 32:29 today. For new customers, $30 a line 32:32 includes auto pay and switch discount. 32:34 Additional taxes, fees, and terms apply. 32:37 Unlimited data is restricted to 32:39 on-device smartphone usage, domestic 32:41 data roaming at 2G speeds. 32:46 >> If the person listening right now just 32:48 got hit with a bill, this happens to 32:50 people, especially medical bills. What 32:53 is your advice about how to fight it? 32:55 >> Okay, so before we even fight the 32:57 medical bill, let's see if it's even 32:59 right. Bad stat, 80% of medical bills 33:02 have errors in them. 33:03 >> 80%? 33:04 >> 80. 33:05 So first, I would say first thing you do 33:07 is make sure that you are asking for an 33:10 itemized bill. You want to see every 33:11 single thing they're charging, not just 33:13 the number at the end. Tell me 33:14 everything that you did to me. 33:16 Then, 33:17 I would say check to see if that's fair. 33:20 There are tools online now, like a fair 33:22 health consumer, that you can go and 33:24 check to be like, what is a normal cost 33:26 for an x-ray? 33:27 So then, after that, you're going to 33:29 call, not email. They will ghost you, by 33:31 the way. 33:32 You want to call the hospital that you 33:35 went and you went to the emergency 33:37 department and you're like, "Hey, I 33:38 would like to have a discussion about 33:40 this. Like, what waivers, relief 33:42 programs, charity care, what is 33:44 available to me?" From there, I want you 33:47 to say, 33:48 "I'd actually really be interested in 33:49 paying this bill in full, 33:51 but I'm not going to be able to do the 33:53 whole thing. 33:54 Would there be any sort of discount 33:56 available if 33:58 I can get that paid today?" 34:00 Then they know that they're actually 34:00 getting some money. 34:02 And 34:03 this all works if you don't have 34:04 insurance. If you have insurance, those 34:07 rates are typically pre-negotiated. 34:08 >> Vivian, what do you say to the person 34:10 who is listening who has very little 34:13 money saved for retirement? Maybe 34:15 they're more my age. 34:17 And they're starting to get really 34:19 worried, or maybe they've come out of a 34:21 divorce, and they're starting over, and 34:23 they're starting to get worried about 34:24 their future. 34:25 >> You can catch up. 34:28 I think tactically, we We to talk about 34:31 catch-up. 34:32 After you turn 50, you have actual 34:35 access to something that the rest of us 34:37 don't 34:38 called ketchup contributions. You can 34:39 actually put more away because they want 34:41 you to, and I quote, "catch up." That is 34:44 literally what it's called, ketchup 34:45 contributions. Um how much money do I 34:47 need to retire? 34:48 >> [laughter] 34:50 >> People have no idea what they actually 34:52 need and have no idea what they actually 34:54 want. 34:54 >> Mhm. 34:55 >> So, what I like to advise everyone to 34:57 think about is your FU number. 35:01 FU number, okay. 35:02 >> Your you number, Mel. Come on. 35:04 Okay. 35:04 >> Yes. The reason we call it the FU number 35:07 is because it really is going to give 35:10 you true financial freedom. 35:12 >> Okay. 35:12 >> And we want your money from investments 35:15 to replace your money from labor, so 35:16 you'll never have to work again. 35:19 So, how do we do this? 35:20 >> I don't know. 35:21 >> Close your eyes. 35:22 We are having a zen moment. 35:24 I want everyone to visualize 35:27 a perfect year. 35:29 Where do you live? What does your house 35:31 look like? 35:32 Are you supporting anybody? Maybe it's a 35:34 partner, maybe it's kids, maybe it's an 35:37 adorable furry little pet. 35:40 Are you traveling? 35:42 Are there things you are spending on? 35:46 What does your dining out situation look 35:48 like? 35:50 What kind of car do you drive? 35:52 Envision your perfect little universe. 35:56 Now, open your eyes. 35:59 And this is a hard question. What do you 36:01 think 36:03 one perfect year in that perfect little 36:06 universe would cost you? 36:07 That is your perfect year number, okay? 36:10 We are going to take this number 36:12 and we are going to divide it 36:14 by 0.04. 36:17 You're going to get a bigger number, 36:20 okay? People think you're going to get a 36:21 smaller number, you're going to get a 36:22 bigger number, okay? 36:24 That is the amount of dollars you would 36:26 need to have invested 36:28 for you 36:30 to have this life. 36:31 >> So, if you had a million dollars in 36:33 savings, 36:33 >> Mhm. 36:34 >> what is 4% interest? 36:35 Is that $40,000? 36:38 >> That is correct. 36:40 >> Well, that kind of puts it in 36:41 perspective. 36:41 >> And I don't want people to freak out. 36:43 >> Yeah. 36:44 >> But it could because we have to remember 36:45 that in retirement, often times, we are 36:48 getting more assistance, right? There is 36:50 social security. There is Medicare. And 36:53 so, you may not necessarily need as much 36:56 to be able to live that happily ever 36:58 after, but this is a good jump-off point 37:00 for us to start calculating where we're 37:02 trying to get to. 37:04 >> Talk to me about the sandwich 37:05 generation. 37:06 >> So, a lot of us these days are feeling 37:10 sandwiched. Um we are starting to build 37:13 our own families, our partners, our 37:16 kids, all the while our parents are 37:18 actually coming to us and saying, "We 37:20 are underfunded for retirement." And so, 37:23 not only are you supporting your family 37:25 unit, you are also then supporting the 37:27 family unit you grew up with. And you're 37:29 feeling a lot of that pressure, and I 37:30 think the number one thing I encourage 37:33 everybody listening to do is have the 37:36 conversation with your parents about 37:39 their retirement funding. If your 37:41 parents are behind on retirement, it is 37:43 better to know now so that you can help 37:46 them set up contributions that are going 37:49 to then support them so that you can 37:51 help them potentially think about 37:52 downsizing their home, so you can think 37:55 about all the other options and pull 37:57 those levers now when you still have 37:59 that runway. 38:00 >> So, give me the opening line of this 38:01 conversation. 38:02 >> I would say something along the lines of 38:05 "You know that I'm always here to 38:07 support and help you. 38:09 I want to get ahead of this because so 38:12 many people are underfunded for 38:14 retirement, and I have no intention of 38:17 letting you suffer, 38:18 but for me to help you get you to where 38:21 you need to be. 38:23 We got to do it together. 38:24 So, let's sit down and talk about it. 38:27 This is the first step that we need to 38:28 take 38:30 to make sure that you get the retirement 38:31 you deserve. 38:32 >> I love that. So, if you're intimidated 38:35 by the word investing, 38:37 >> Mhm. 38:37 >> how would you explain it to somebody who 38:39 doesn't think they're smart enough to 38:41 understand it? And where do you start 38:45 if you can only have a few extra dollars 38:48 every month to do it? 38:50 >> You work hard for your money through 38:51 labor, whether that be mental labor, 38:53 physical labor, whatever. 38:56 Your money can also work for you. 39:00 We as human beings are really bad, 39:01 actually, at making money. 39:03 Cuz you can work maximum 39:06 14, 15, 16 hours a day. 39:10 At a certain point, you still need to 39:12 get sleep. You need to eat food. 39:15 You are a human. 39:17 You are not a good money-making machine, 39:18 no matter how much money you make. 39:20 You know what's a better money-making 39:21 machine? 39:22 Your money. Your money works 24/7. It 39:26 doesn't take a lunch break. It doesn't 39:28 need holidays or vacations off. 39:31 It is working day in, day out, 24/7. And 39:34 it can. 39:35 >> Okay, great. Cuz I I want to see if I 39:37 can give this back to you in a way that 39:39 somebody who is always been intimidated 39:41 by this idea of investing can really 39:42 grasp. So, we've talked about, which I 39:44 find personally helpful, 39:46 broke you 39:46 >> Yep. 39:47 >> is going to start paying from the money 39:49 that comes in 39:50 the future rich you 39:52 >> Yep. 39:53 >> in the savings. This like your little 39:54 fund. This creates the buffer. This is 39:56 like the money you're going to start to 39:58 use to climb out of where you are. 40:00 Investing is where the rich you takes 40:03 that savings account and takes the money 40:06 that's in there and puts it to work. 40:08 >> Yep. Exactly. 40:09 >> Got it. 40:10 >> Yep. 40:10 >> Okay, so how do we start? 40:12 >> So, first off, 40:13 I want to make a distinction. 40:14 >> Okay. 40:15 >> Saving and investing are not the same 40:16 thing. They are not the same action, 40:17 should not be treated the same. 40:19 Today you is paying rich you for 40:22 savings. 40:22 >> So that's what you save to have the 40:24 buffer so you have power and freedom to 40:26 leave. 40:26 >> Yep. 40:27 >> Or to deal with an emergency. 40:28 >> Yep. 40:28 >> And so that you can sleep at night. 40:29 >> Correct. What you need to do to actually 40:31 start investing is first you need to 40:34 find a brokerage. 40:35 >> Okay. 40:36 >> So you then are able to choose an 40:38 account type. So maybe this is a Roth 40:41 IRA, an IRA, this could just be a 40:43 traditional individual brokerage 40:44 account. These different types of 40:46 accounts, some have different benefits. 40:49 >> Okay. 40:49 >> Others are more classic general, not as 40:52 many tax benefits but still definitely 40:54 worth using. 40:55 >> Mhm. 40:55 >> You will make the decision based on what 40:57 you are investing for. If it's for 40:59 retirement, a retirement account might 41:00 make sense. If it's for hey, I just want 41:02 to invest for the next 20 25 years, this 41:04 is not for retirement, great. An 41:06 individual brokerage account might make 41:07 sense. 41:08 Then once you choose the account type, 41:10 you open the account 41:12 and you contribute dollars from [snorts] 41:16 a checking account or maybe even a 41:17 savings account, okay? You're funding 41:19 the account with the cash. 41:21 This is where people get messed up. They 41:23 put the cash in the account and they're 41:24 like, 41:25 "I'm done." 41:26 No, you're not. 41:28 You have not even bought anything. It's 41:31 just cash in an account right now, okay? 41:33 >> opened the account, you actually have to 41:34 put 41:36 the money into a fund. 41:38 >> Correct. You have to actually you have 41:39 to choose investments. So like you can't 41:40 just put cash into an account, you have 41:43 to then use that cash to buy stuff, 41:45 okay? 41:46 >> Okay. 41:46 >> In the same way that you go to the 41:48 grocery store and you have cash in your 41:50 wallet, 41:51 you're not going to do a hot lap around 41:52 the grocery store, go home, open the 41:54 fridge and be like, "Where's my food?" 41:55 You didn't buy anything. 41:56 You have to actually buy meats and 41:58 cheeses and breads. 41:58 >> Got you. 41:59 >> Okay? So what you can do there is then 42:02 say, "Hey, I'm interested in investing. 42:06 I really want to focus on the overall 42:10 stock market because I don't want to 42:11 have to cherry pick. Get into something 42:14 that allows you to have exposure to a 42:16 lot of things. This is called 42:17 diversification. 42:18 >> Basically, mitigating the risk of 42:21 picking the wrong stock. 42:23 >> By buying a fund that invests in the 42:24 whole thing. 42:25 >> Yep. Invest in everything. 42:26 >> Okay. 42:27 >> There is a constituency of folks who are 42:31 probably listening to this. 42:32 >> Yeah. 42:33 >> And their eyes are starting to glaze. 42:35 And they're like, "What the hell is she 42:37 saying? I still don't know how to 42:38 invest. They've been yapping for 10 42:40 minutes and I still don't get it." Okay, 42:41 fine. I will give you the cheat code. 42:44 The cheat code is 42:46 now, because we have such incredible 42:48 technology, you don't actually have to 42:51 go and pick your own investments. 42:53 You can sign up for something called a 42:54 robo-advisor. 42:55 And this can be done in 45 minutes. 42:58 You sign up for this robo-advisor, you 43:00 pick the account type. It's going to ask 43:02 you a bunch of questions. Things like, 43:03 "Hey Mel, how much do you make every 43:05 year? How much do you have? How much 43:07 debt do you have? How would you feel if 43:08 your portfolio lost this much money? 43:10 When do you plan on retiring?" Da da da 43:12 da da All this stuff about you, okay? 43:15 And [snorts] then 43:17 it is going to provide you a portfolio 43:19 that makes sense for you. 43:21 You're going to pay, likely, a small fee 43:24 for this to happen. 43:26 But I would rather someone use a 43:29 robo-advisor and pay that small fee and 43:31 be invested now 43:33 than say, "I'll figure it out this 43:35 weekend and do it myself." 43:36 >> What if you're worried about losing the 43:37 money? I mean, the market seems crazy. 43:40 >> [clears throat] 43:40 >> Like, the world seems crazy. Like, do I 43:42 jump in now or do I wait for things to 43:43 crash? Like 43:45 trying to get a sense of timing or do 43:47 you just You're just planting seeds? 43:49 >> I am very much a buy and hold investor. 43:52 The day you plant the seed is not the 43:55 day you eat the fruit. Okay? 43:57 >> If you're currently renting 43:59 >> Mhm. 43:59 >> and you've always dreamt of 44:02 owning a home 44:02 >> Yep. 44:04 >> and now you're thinking, based on the 44:07 insane costs and the rise in the housing 44:09 market particularly here in the United 44:10 States and around the world, 44:12 I may never be able to buy a home. 44:15 What do you need to know? 44:18 >> Buying a home for so many of us is still 44:20 so core to that American dream. It is 44:23 still so core to success. 44:26 And 44:28 if you want a home, 44:30 I think you should have every right to 44:32 get one. 44:34 But I ask you first, why do you want a 44:36 home? 44:37 Do you want a home because you know 44:39 you're in the right place and you plan 44:40 on living there for at least 44:42 5 to 7 years, at least. You don't want 44:44 to go to a different city for any other 44:46 job opportunities? 44:48 Is it because you want to make that 44:51 house your home and do a bunch of 44:52 renovations to personalize it to 44:54 yourself? 44:55 These are all good reasons. 44:58 But if you are someone who's like, 44:59 "Well, 45:01 I hate [snorts] having to fix my own 45:03 toilet at 2:00 a.m. 45:05 And I also hate the idea of paying a 45:07 homeowner's association fee. 45:10 And I also hate the idea of paying 45:11 property taxes. And I also hate the idea 45:14 of being stuck somewhere. 45:16 And oh, by the way, I might be in the 45:19 market to expand my family in the next 45:21 year or two. 45:24 Maybe it's not the right time to buy. 45:25 >> That is the perfect question when you're 45:28 looking at home ownership as a lifestyle 45:31 decision. 45:32 You know, when you ask yourself, "Why do 45:33 I want a home?" you're basically making 45:36 yourself go, "Wait. 45:37 Why do I want a home right now? 45:39 And does this make sense? Like, am I 45:41 going to stay somewhere for a long time? 45:43 Can I actually afford what it's going to 45:45 take to keep a home up? Because if 45:48 you're going to be moving around a lot 45:49 or it's way too expensive for you to 45:52 both buy it and then maintain it, maybe 45:54 now is not the right time. That's a 45:56 lifestyle decision that then becomes 45:58 personal to you instead of chasing it 46:00 because you think you should buy it by 46:02 now because your parents did or your 46:03 friends are. 46:04 But let's not ignore the truth that at 46:06 least in the United States, buying a 46:10 home and home ownership is one of the 46:13 most important ways that people build 46:16 generational wealth because it forces 46:19 you to save. And then the other thing 46:21 that people forget is at some point 46:25 you want to be able to not have to pay 46:26 rent. 46:27 So if you're never going to buy a home 46:29 in retirement, you're going to have to 46:31 pay rent and that's going to be part of 46:33 the retirement savings that you need to 46:34 do now. And so I think the question is 46:37 important, but I just want to make sure 46:39 that you're answering it based on 46:41 lifestyle, but you're also keeping the 46:43 facts in front of you, which this is one 46:47 of the most important assets that you 46:48 could have in the long term. And it also 46:51 forces you to save. Correct. 46:53 >> As for folks who are sure they want to 46:55 buy, 46:56 you need to get creative, okay? Because 46:59 right now, it is true. 47:01 In 47:02 almost all major metros, it is cheaper 47:05 to rent than buy. Buying a house is hard 47:07 right now. Let's not pretend like it's 47:08 not. People need to start thinking, 47:10 "Do I need to buy my primary home?" 47:13 I know someone who actually cannot 47:14 afford to own their primary residence in 47:17 Los Angeles, 47:18 but he grew up in Oklahoma 47:21 and has family there and ended up buying 47:24 an investment property in Oklahoma. He 47:26 can afford the mortgage in a lower cost 47:28 of living area 47:30 and he rents because in LA he's going to 47:32 get a lot more with rental dollars than 47:34 buying dollars. 47:35 Another option. Let's think about those 47:38 unique mortgages. Everybody thinks you 47:40 got to put 20% down. 47:43 Yeah. 47:44 I think that is the norm because then it 47:47 helps to make the monthly payment very, 47:48 very manageable. 47:50 But if you're someone who just doesn't 47:52 have a lot saved, you're trying to get 47:53 into a neighborhood before you're priced 47:55 out of the neighborhood, and you have a 47:56 good job that you can count on and you 47:57 think you can make decent monthly 47:59 payments, 48:00 what about an FHA loan? 48:02 What about a conventional 97? These are 48:04 all different types of mortgages that 48:06 either help you if you have a low credit 48:07 score or basically give you a little 48:10 prize, a little treat for having a high 48:12 credit score. 48:13 What about if you're buying in a rural 48:14 area? A USDA loan. 48:16 For our veterans listening, there is 48:19 nothing better than a VA loan. You put 48:21 nothing down. You don't need to pay um 48:24 PMI to essentially insure that mortgage. 48:27 That is the best possible option. 48:29 But I think people don't talk about 48:31 those things enough. 48:31 >> love to have you speak directly to the 48:34 person who is listening and they're in 48:36 their 20s. They're doing everything that 48:38 they were told to do, but they still 48:40 can't get ahead. 48:41 >> Yeah. 48:44 Sucks, doesn't it? 48:46 I think 48:47 a lot of us were sold 48:50 a promise and a dream that if we put our 48:52 heads down, if we worked hard, that we 48:55 went to the right school, and we got the 48:56 right job, 48:58 we'd eventually get to have happily ever 49:00 after. 49:03 It's kind of looking like 49:05 that's not necessarily true. 49:07 The new American dream doesn't look like 49:09 anything. It's whatever you close your 49:11 eyes and want it to be. 49:14 It's not about what has already 49:15 happened. It's about what can you do 49:17 today 49:18 to make tomorrow different. 49:19 >> That's the same answer you need to hear 49:21 right now if you're in your 50s or 60s 49:24 >> Yeah. 49:25 >> and you're starting over. 49:26 >> Mhm. 49:26 >> Or you are dealing with a setback after 49:30 divorce or a health diagnosis. 49:32 >> 1,000%. 49:33 >> You have to take it. Like 49:35 it is true that life is not fair and it 49:37 sucks and 49:39 you can do something next that changes 49:41 where you end up in the future. 49:44 What do you want to say to the person 49:45 who is back home living with their 49:47 parents? 49:48 Um 49:50 nearly half 49:51 >> Mhm. 49:51 >> of all Americans under 30 live with a 49:55 parent according to the Federal Reserve 49:57 data. Which as a parent I kind of think 49:58 it's cool, but I know as a person who 50:02 had a vision that you would be somewhere 50:04 else, maybe it doesn't feel that cool. 50:07 >> Yeah, I would say you're a genius. Like 50:09 and one, you should go kiss and hug your 50:12 guardians or parents or whatever and say 50:14 thank you. Because if you are able to 50:16 move back home, you already have a level 50:18 of generational wealth that people don't 50:20 talk about. People think generational 50:22 wealth is ah, I am bequeathing Mel a 50:25 million dollars when I pass. No, no, no. 50:27 Generational wealth is you can move 50:29 home. Is 50:31 anti-daycare. I'm going to take care of 50:32 your kid. Or hmm. 50:35 Don't worry, Nana and Papa don't use the 50:36 car as much. Don't worry Mel, you can 50:38 drive it. That's generational wealth. 50:41 And so 50:42 I think if you are currently living at 50:44 home 50:45 you have a sweet setup. What I ask is 50:50 for you to do a couple things. 50:51 One, 50:52 the money that you would have spent on 50:54 rent 50:56 put it aside for yourself. Pay future 50:58 rich you. 51:00 Two, 51:02 set a move out number, not a move out 51:05 date. 51:06 Do not put yourself on a timeline that 51:07 you cannot hit and actually be 51:09 comfortable. 51:10 You don't move out until you have the 51:11 number you need. 51:13 And three, 51:15 use this as an opportunity to maximize 51:17 all of the financial advantages you 51:21 have. So 51:23 that means 51:24 if you are paying no rent or less rent 51:27 to live at home with your parents 51:29 you should be putting more money into 51:30 your 401k. More money into that Roth 51:33 IRA. 51:34 >> I absolutely love that you called moving 51:37 home with your parents the new 51:38 generational wealth because one of our 51:40 kids just moved home. 51:41 >> Yeah. 51:42 >> And I see it as an enormous opportunity 51:45 and launching pad to set yourself up for 51:47 the next chapter. 51:48 >> Huge. 51:49 Cuz you don't want to move out and then 51:51 build your financial foundation on sand. 51:53 You want to build that financial 51:54 foundation on brick. 51:56 >> I just absolutely love that this is the 51:58 new generational wealth and looking at 52:00 it as a power move versus something that 52:02 means your life isn't working. No, 52:04 you're being smart. 52:05 >> Yeah. 52:08 >> The Mel Robbins podcast is proudly 52:10 sponsored by Amica Insurance, our 52:12 exclusive auto, home, and life insurance 52:15 partner. 52:17 It feels so good to be understood. And 52:20 that's something Amica really delivers 52:22 on. Because when you're choosing 52:24 insurance, you want someone who listens. 52:27 Someone who takes the time to understand 52:29 what you need. Amica goes above and 52:33 beyond to customize coverage that fits 52:36 your life. They make it simple. They 52:38 make it clear. And they make it feel 52:40 like you're talking to someone who 52:42 genuinely cares because they really do. 52:45 Creating peace of mind is truly at the 52:48 heart of their mission. And whether 52:50 you're protecting your home, your car, 52:52 or everything in between, Amica knows 52:55 it's not just about where you're going, 52:58 but who you go with. When you choose 53:00 Amica, you're choosing a partner who's 53:03 with you every step of the way. 53:06 Peace of mind starts with the right 53:08 partner. 53:09 Visit amica.com and get a quote today. 53:14 >> What is the single biggest financial 53:16 decision you make in your life? 53:20 >> Kind of hot take here, but I think it's 53:23 who your spouse is. We talk a lot about 53:25 saving and budgeting and spending and 53:27 investing, 53:28 but 53:30 your spouse is the person that you are 53:32 going to spend the vast majority of your 53:35 life, hopefully, with. 53:37 Why would you not make sure that the two 53:40 of you are on the same financial page. 53:43 It is crazy to me because the top two 53:45 reasons why couples fight sex and money. 53:49 What if I told you if you had the 53:51 conversation early, if you opened up a 53:53 blank slate, if you opened the doorway, 53:56 if you 53:57 didn't argue but instead sat down and 53:59 laid it all bare and figured out a plan 54:01 forward together, you could avoid 50% of 54:03 those really hot button topics. 54:06 Wouldn't you naturally assume it would 54:08 make your relationship stronger? You 54:09 would fight less and just be happier? 54:11 >> So what are the questions I'm asking if 54:12 I'm dating somebody? 54:14 >> Well Mel, how long have we been dating? 54:16 Okay? Like are we first date? Are we 54:18 >> Oh, I'm not going to ask you financial 54:20 stuff on the first date. 54:20 >> I am. 54:21 >> You You are? 54:22 >> Yeah. 54:22 >> Okay, what are you going to say? 54:24 >> If tomorrow 54:27 more money than you knew what to do with 54:29 fell out of the sky, 54:30 what would you do for work? 54:32 >> The same thing I'm doing right now. 54:34 >> At the time, would you have said that? 54:36 >> Yes. 54:36 I loved what I did. I just hated how 54:38 little money I had. 54:40 >> Then that would tell me something about 54:41 you. 54:43 If someone is making a really high 54:46 earning job right now and they're like, 54:47 "Oh man, if if enough money fell out of 54:49 the sky, I'd become a social worker." 54:50 That tells you something about them. 54:51 >> Yeah. 54:52 >> If someone who's super broke right now 54:53 says, "I would still do the same thing." 54:55 That also tells you something about 54:56 them. 54:57 I would also say, "Okay Mel, if I gave 55:00 you a budget of $100,000 55:03 to take the best vacation of your 55:05 lifetime, 55:06 what would you do?" 55:07 >> Oh, um 55:09 well, I would It would be an adventure 55:11 trip. I would either go uh to Africa or 55:15 I'd go to India or I would do the trip 55:18 that I just did with my family which was 55:20 rafting the Grand Canyon. 55:21 >> Mhm. 55:21 >> I would 1,000% spend it on some sort of 55:26 experience. 55:27 >> Yeah. 55:30 If you were on a date with someone that 55:31 said, "My dream vacation is to spend 55:35 a month on the beach and every single 55:37 day my step count is zero on my, you 55:39 know, Apple Watch, 55:41 that person and you 55:43 should not be together. Because you're 55:45 out here being like, "I'm going to climb 55:46 this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to 55:47 hike this. I'm going to trek this." 55:49 You now know something about that 55:50 person, about how they value their money 55:53 and how they value their time. 55:54 >> So, here's what I'm hearing. I'm hearing 55:56 that one of you wants to spend $100,000 55:59 to go to like an eight-star resort and 56:01 lay on the beach and do nothing, which 56:02 means in my mind, you like status and 56:05 luxury. 56:07 Whereas I want to go on a really 56:11 extraordinary experience, and that tells 56:14 you that we have very different values, 56:16 and we want to spend our money doing 56:17 very different things. 56:18 >> You can talk about money on the first 56:20 date. Don't be like, "Hey, bring your 56:22 pay stub." Don't be a weirdo. But, 56:24 you can talk about money as soon as the 56:26 first date. 56:26 >> So, when you're starting to get like 56:29 more committed, 56:30 >> Yeah. 56:31 >> and you're in that is this the end of 56:32 the aisle person, 56:33 >> Yeah. 56:34 >> what is the conversations you need to 56:35 have that most people don't? 56:36 >> Well, the first legal document that 56:38 bonds you and someone usually is not a 56:40 marriage license, it's a lease. 56:43 You move in together. 56:45 And so, that is a really good time to 56:47 actually have this conversation, because 56:49 at some point, you will have to provide 56:52 a pay stub and the credit check and all 56:54 of that, and you can't lie about it at 56:56 that point. And so, it's hey, you know, 57:00 we've been dating now for however much 57:02 time, and I know we're talking about 57:04 potentially moving in together. Like, 57:06 just so that we're able to look at 57:08 apartments that make sense for both of 57:10 us, 57:12 roughly what are you willing to spend on 57:14 rent? 57:15 And, you know, let's have a conversation 57:17 about how we're going to split this. 57:20 That then can lead into 57:22 I make this much money. 57:24 This is what I'm comfortable spending on 57:25 rent. 57:26 What about you? 57:28 You share first. 57:30 Then they give you a number. 57:32 >> So, what is your advice if your 57:34 boyfriend or girlfriend 57:36 is not as ambitious 57:39 as you wish they were and you're 57:42 trying to decide your future? 57:44 >> If you are in a relationship where 57:47 you are already trying to change 57:49 somebody 57:50 it's probably not the right 57:51 relationship, unfortunately. And I know 57:53 people don't like to hear that. But 57:57 you can't make somebody do something. 58:01 They have to want it themselves. 58:03 And 58:05 unfortunately 58:07 if you are the one forcing the issue, 58:09 often times that'll lead to resentment. 58:11 And so 58:13 you can't force your spouse to want 58:15 more. 58:16 You just need to meet somebody and be 58:19 with someone who values a dollar the 58:20 same way you do, who values work-life 58:23 balance the same way you do, and who has 58:25 the same goals as you do. 58:28 Or 58:29 you need to get very clear about what 58:31 you actually want in a partner. 58:33 >> Yeah. 58:33 >> And whether or not the ambition 58:36 that you want in them is ambition that 58:38 you need to unleash in yourself. 58:39 >> True. 58:40 >> And that you recognize that you want to 58:44 and see the value of other attributes in 58:47 somebody. I've been married for 30 58:49 years, but I would say that I was in 58:51 that classic situation where 58:53 I just assumed my husband would make all 58:55 the money. 58:56 >> Yeah. 58:56 >> And he's not a guy that's driven by 58:57 money. 58:58 >> Mhm. 58:58 >> He's driven by something else. I mean, 59:00 the man is a death doula and he leads 59:02 men's retreats. And he would live in a 59:05 one-bedroom apartment. 59:07 >> Yeah. 59:07 >> The ambition was mine. 59:09 >> Yeah. 59:09 >> And I think when you are a ambitious 59:12 person, it is a mistake 59:14 to apply your ambition and aim it 59:18 somebody else and make it their 59:19 responsibility. 59:21 >> Something that I have seen in both 59:23 genders, but sometimes, you know, often 59:25 from women, is that they are looking for 59:28 traits in a partner that they do not 59:29 personally possess. 59:31 And that really bothers me. 59:33 >> What do you mean? 59:35 >> I need to date a man who makes over half 59:37 a million dollars. Do you make over half 59:39 a million dollars? I need a man who's 59:40 very generous and willing to buy me 59:42 gifts. Are you a generous person? Do you 59:45 buy the people in your life gifts? We 59:47 often times 59:49 expect the worlds but aren't willing to 59:51 give it ourselves. And so I just 59:53 encourage anybody, especially with a 59:55 partner, is like 59:56 they don't necessarily need to match 59:57 your income, but you need to match each 59:59 other's effort. 1:00:01 And if you don't, 1:00:04 it's not going to work. 1:00:06 In terms of effort, it can look very 1:00:07 different though. It could be one person 1:00:10 being the breadwinner and the other 1:00:11 person taking care of the home. It could 1:00:13 be both people going out and working and 1:00:15 splitting the household unpaid labor, 1:00:17 but 1:00:18 you have to be very clear about what 1:00:22 the defined roles in your relationship 1:00:24 are. 1:00:25 >> I love that you come down to roles and 1:00:26 values because roles and values come 1:00:29 down to conversations, knowing yourself, 1:00:31 and skills you can build, 1:00:33 not gender assignment. 1:00:34 >> No, never. Be your own sugar daddy. 1:00:36 >> Yeah. Of course. Be your own rich BFF. 1:00:40 >> Exactly. 1:00:41 >> And that gives you control and really 1:00:44 define what do you want and what do you 1:00:45 value in life and does this person give 1:00:48 you that? And if they don't, we're out 1:00:50 of here, but if they do, 1:00:52 maybe it isn't the financial thing. 1:00:55 Maybe it's something money can't buy. 1:00:57 >> Yes. And can I just say 1:00:59 >> Yes. 1:00:59 >> I fear that we as women, we need to fire 1:01:02 our publicist. 1:01:03 >> What does that mean? 1:01:04 >> So, 1:01:06 we have been basically brainwashed into 1:01:09 thinking we are actually bad with money. 1:01:10 Women are told dad will take care of 1:01:12 money until my husband takes care of 1:01:14 money and one day my son will take care 1:01:15 of it for me. 1:01:16 You need to be an active participant in 1:01:17 your own life. 1:01:20 I hate to say this, but the media has 1:01:22 brainwashed us and our publicist is not 1:01:24 doing a very good job as women. They 1:01:26 have let us be described by like shows 1:01:28 and movies like Confessions of a 1:01:30 Shopaholic. We have been shown TV shows 1:01:32 like Two Broke Girls. Where's Two Broke 1:01:34 Guys? There are just as many young men 1:01:37 who don't have money as young women. 1:01:39 Confessions of a Shopaholic, yeah, okay, 1:01:41 I got a lip gloss. Like, what about that 1:01:43 PS5 and the sports betting and the Super 1:01:45 Bowl tickets and all the other stuff and 1:01:47 the golf clubs that you bought? Those 1:01:48 were just as expensive, if not more 1:01:50 expensive. I don't see anybody giving 1:01:52 you crap about it. Okay? 1:01:54 But instead, we are seeing, "Oh, men, 1:01:57 claim your power. Step into your 1:02:00 wealth." Like, okay, but that's not what 1:02:02 the numbers show us, actually. What do 1:02:04 the numbers show us? More single women 1:02:05 than single men own homes in all 50 1:02:07 states. 1:02:08 We have less debt across every single 1:02:10 category except student loans because 1:02:12 we're getting more and more educated. 1:02:15 And Fidelity actually went through the 1:02:17 portfolios of a test set of men and 1:02:20 women, and the women's portfolios 1:02:22 actually outperform the men's. 1:02:24 So, if we've got less debt, 1:02:27 if we own more homes, 1:02:29 and our money is growing more 1:02:32 intelligently and doing a better job, 1:02:35 don't you think that's the headline that 1:02:37 should be in the news? 1:02:39 >> [laughter] 1:02:41 [sighs and gasps] 1:02:41 >> Oh my gosh, Vivian too, what are your 1:02:43 parting words? 1:02:44 >> You 1:02:46 are the person who gets to change your 1:02:48 life. 1:02:49 Money is a tool. 1:02:51 It does not get to shame you. It does 1:02:52 not get to define you. Not having a lot 1:02:55 does not make you bad, and having a lot 1:02:56 does not make you good. 1:02:58 But having it does mean you get to do 1:03:01 whatever you want with your life. 1:03:04 And man, doesn't that freedom feel nice? 1:03:06 >> It sure does. I just want to thank you. 1:03:09 >> Thank you. 1:03:09 >> Thank you for showing up and slapping us 1:03:12 across the face, 1:03:13 >> [laughter] 1:03:14 >> and then giving us a hug, and then 1:03:15 slapping us again with the truth. And 1:03:18 [clears throat] I feel fired up and I 1:03:20 cannot wait to give this to the world as 1:03:23 a free resource because I agree with you 1:03:26 that when you take control of your 1:03:28 money, it gives you the power and 1:03:31 freedom to live your life and to make 1:03:34 decisions that you want to make. And 1:03:37 isn't that an extraordinary thing? So, 1:03:39 thank you. 1:03:40 >> Thank you so much for having me. 1:03:41 >> You're welcome and thank you. Thank you 1:03:43 for making the time to listen to an 1:03:46 episode that will empower you through 1:03:48 the simple things you can start doing 1:03:50 right now. And if you're sick of living 1:03:52 paycheck to paycheck, if you're sick of 1:03:54 feeling broke, if you're sick of shaming 1:03:55 yourself about the past, then 1:03:58 be really sick of it and make a decision 1:04:00 that you're going to get good with 1:04:01 money. And so, I want you to leave this 1:04:03 conversation saying, "You know what? I'm 1:04:06 done with that part of my life and I'm 1:04:07 going to lean in and I'm going to start 1:04:09 acting like my own rich BFF. I'm going 1:04:13 to apply what I learn. I'm going to 1:04:14 share this with the people in my life 1:04:16 that need it and I promise you, you and 1:04:18 I are going to bump into each other a 1:04:19 couple years from now and you're going 1:04:20 to be like, "Mel, 1:04:21 oh my gosh, power, freedom, I'm now in 1:04:25 control of my money." 1:04:26 And in case no one else tells you today, 1:04:28 I wanted to be sure to tell you as your 1:04:29 friend 1:04:31 that I love you and believe in you and 1:04:32 believe in your power to [music] create 1:04:33 a better life and having control over 1:04:36 your finances and the freedom to make 1:04:38 decisions that you want to make and live 1:04:40 your life [music] how you want to live 1:04:40 it is the definition of power and I 1:04:43 really want that for you. 1:04:45 Thank you [music] for watching all the 1:04:47 way to the end here on YouTube. Thanks 1:04:48 for being a subscriber. It's the best 1:04:50 way to say, "Hey, thanks for all the 1:04:51 support you're giving me." And thanks 1:04:53 for these [music] amazing experts. I 1:04:55 know you want to watch another episode 1:04:57 and so, since you loved this one, this 1:04:59 is the next episode of the [music] Mel 1:05:00 Robbins podcast you're going to want to 1:05:01 check out. I'll walk you in the moment I 1:05:03 hit play.